i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
