yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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