So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
