I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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