I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
