I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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