I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
