note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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