Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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