Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
