you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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