I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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