the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize
