I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
