I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
