Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
