Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
