Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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