she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
