I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
