There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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