At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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