I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
