I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
