OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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