Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
