she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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