My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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