Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
