I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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