This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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