I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
