can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
