I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
