I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
