You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
