Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
