My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
