hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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