just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
