I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
