Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
