I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
