I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The air was thick with penises
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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