dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pants are for mortals
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
