My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
