I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
