We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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