Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
