i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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