I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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