everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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