did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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