2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
