At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
