Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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