I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
