I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
