Christians are straight up FREAKS
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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