This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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